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I Have Found a New Love: One Direction
Hi guys, I know I’m supposed to be on bloggy vacation and all (and I am, really), but I recently had an experience that rocked my world so violently I just had to blog about it. I have been a bit down...
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Not Everyone is Going to Like You
Well, hello there. I just caught you staring, didn’t I? Staring at my blog, wondering when a new post might arrive. Well, looky here! A brand spankin’ new post, just for you! Your wish = my command....
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5 Pickup Moves for Ladies at the Gym
I’ve been working out for many years, but it only recently dawned on me that the gym is an outstanding place to meet men. Let’s face it, the entire place is rife with erogenous overtones. Have you...
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Boff, Marry or Kill: Magic Mike Edition
This past Fourth of July, millions of Americans witnessed fireworks displays in and around their neighborhoods. And I, too, experienced some great balls o’ fire myself. That’s right, Sammy, I...
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Should the Batman Killer Stop You From Online Dating?
It’s week 2 of the Olympics, and frankly, I didn’t even know there was going to be a week 2. Wasn’t one week enough? Honestly, my cat could give a bigger crap about the Olympics than I do, and he’s...
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WTF is Victoria Beckham’s Problem?
Can we take a moment to discuss a bizarre Hollywood phenomenon that baffles me only slightly less than the idea that Snooki is in a stable relationship and I’m not? Today I’d like to address Victoria...
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Obligatory Post on Penis Size
What kind of single female blogger would I be if I didn’t include at least one post on penis size? I know, it’s been talked about to death. I’ve even talked about it quite a few times. But this time,...
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If You’ve Got a Camera and a Penis, Read This
Hey guys, what’s up? Your penis. Right. Very funny. And original, I might add. And speaking of unoriginal matters involving Mr. Winky, I’ve got a question for you: What’s up with the dick pics? Over...
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Not Everyone is Going to Like You
Ooh, harsh words, huh? I bet your momma never told you that, did she? Oh, heavens no. Momma said, “Oh, poopsie, you’re so wonderful and special, anyone would be crazy not to love you!” Listen, I’m sure...
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I Hate Everyone, But I Love You Joan Rivers
Hello everyone! I know I disappeared for a spell but I’m back and I’ve got my fancy thong on. And by fancy I mean there are no holes in it. In this post I’d like to give a great, big shake of the...
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The Vicious Cycle of Online Dating
After a substantial dating hiatus, I’ve recently re-entered the vile, reprehensible, obviously-created-by-the-devil world of online dating. After being away for so long, I somehow forgot that not long...
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Six Reasons Why I Hate New Year’s Eve
I have a confession to make: I fucking hate New Year’s Eve. I’ve honestly had it with the overwhelming social pressure to go-out-and-have-a-fuck-ton-of-fun-or-else on this most overhyped night of the...
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15 Reasons Why Being Single On Valentine’s Day Rocks
Hey guys, I created a post over on BuzzFeed about our most favorite day of the year! No, not Penis Day – Valentine’s Day, silly! So please, please go over there and Like it, Tweet it, Pin it, Google...
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A Collection of Posts That Will Cheer You Up on Valentine’s Day
Happy Singles Awareness Day! That’s right, I have learned that February 14 is officially SAD. I cannot think of a more fitting moniker, as there is no other day on which I am more aware of being single...
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Why Jason Bateman Is the Most Perfect Man Alive
It is no secret — I am head over heels, entirely and gaga-rifically insane for Jason Bateman. I have professed my love and lust for him many times — on Twitter, in this post, and most recently in my...
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6 Annoying Facebook Posts I Shall Never Make
Hey guys! Guess what, I finally signed up for that super hot social media site that everyone is talking about! You know, the really popular one with all the pictures and feeds where you can connect...
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5 Tips for Vacation Sex
Vacation season is finally here, and that means this girlie is outta here starting next week, suckas. Sadly, it also means you won’t see a whole lotta me around these parts for a couple weeks. I’m...
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Straight Guys are Color Dumb and Oh Male Strippers Tomorrow
Hey, lucky readers, have I got a real treat for you this week! Huh? No, you didn’t win anything. Wait, don’t go! What’s so special is that I’ve got two – count ‘em – TWO posts for you this week! And […]
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The New Mankini Leaves Absolutely Nothing to the Imagination
Gentlemen, is the search for the perfect summer beachwear bringing you down? Having trouble finding just the right swimsuit to effectively accentuate your man goods? Look no further. Now that summer is...
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I Ain’t Sayin’ I’m a Gold Digger
Because I’m not. Never have been. A lot of guys in Los Angeles complain that LA women are only interested in dating men with money. Clearly, they haven’t met me. […]
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